by David Sandstrom 

January 25, 2021

In this episode I talk with Kimberly Spencer, award-winning high-performance coach and host of The Beauty and the B podcast about correcting limiting beliefs and becoming all the men & women God created us to be.

Download a FREE Chapter from my book "The Christian's Guide to Holistic Health" on the mind-body connection. 

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Show Notes

1.

Today's Guest...

  • Kimberly Spencer award-winning high-performance coach and host of The Beauty and the B podcast
2.

Topics Discussed...w / Time Stamps

  • 0:39- Intro
  • 3:29 - How to process emotions in a healthy way
  • 9:04- Choosing the right motivation
  • 13:31 - Why taking care of ourselves in the most selfless thing we can do
  • 20:33 - Beliefs are thoughts on repeat
  • 31:09 - Separating the actions and outcomes from the person
  • 34:29 - Kimberly's choice to have her baby outside of the hospital setting
  • 44:13 - The Hierarchy to the 3 parts of a human being
  • 46:51 - Kimberly's new book
4.

Transcript... 


Scroll through the text below to read the full transcript.

David Sandstrom 0:00
Here's a sample of what you'll hear on this episode of holistic health matters.

Kimberly Spencer 0:04
I stopped calling myself bulimic simply because I recognize that the identity my soul, my spirit was not believe it and my actions were. So separating the actions that you're doing from your identity is first and foremost, the results that you get, because so often we will easily tie our results to our identity. So, success is a big one, especially for men that I've worked with, where they've had unsuccessful results, and thus they define themselves as not a success.

David Sandstrom 0:39
Welcome to the holistic health matters podcast where it's all about maximizing your health potential by aligning your life more fully with God's design for spirit, mind and body. I'm your host, David Sandstrom, naturopathic doctor and biblical health coach, and this is episode number 30.

David Sandstrom 1:01
This episode is brought to you by sauna space. If you're serious about your health and well being, then you should consider detoxifying your body effortlessly And naturally, with a sauna space home sauna. To learn more, go to my website, DavidSandstrom .com, forward slash resources, and click on the sauna space logo and start enjoying all the health benefits of a sauna space. Zero EMF near infrared home sauna today. Today we have with us Kimberly Spencer, Kimberly is an award winning high performance coach and trainer, Amazon best selling co author and founder of crown yourself.com. Kimberly, welcome to the show.

Kimberly Spencer 1:41
Thank you so much for having me, David,

David Sandstrom 1:44
I appreciate you taking the time I know you're very busy person, you're into a lot of different things. My audience is into holistic health, which means health in spirit, mind and body. And I know you talked a lot about processing emotions, which would come under the heading of our mental emotional state, also the spiritual condition. You're really in the personal development space, which I consider myself as well. So when you're into holistic health that kind of goes beyond just simple health and wellness, you crossed the line over into personal development, which I think you're really firmly in that space as well. Is that correct?

Kimberly Spencer 2:16
Very much. So yeah. The easiest and simplest health book could be written to like, eat less, exercise more eat healthy. And there you go.

David Sandstrom 2:25
Right. We've all heard that.

Kimberly Spencer 2:27
We've all heard that. Why is it that there are so many health books? Why is it that health is something that we're struggling with? It's it goes beyond just diet and exercise and do some meditation? Like it is about the holistic being we we aren't I work with a lot of entrepreneurs. And what I see is this perception of compartmentalization, I have this perception of Well, my spirituality is is this and and then my relationships are in this box. And then my businesses in this box and they don't touch each other. Like the problem with that thinking is that every You are the common denominator in each one of those boxes. And if you're trying to put each thing into its own like little box and have it be separate from something else, one, it creates separateness and division in your mind. And second of all, it it's not bringing your full authentic self to any of it.

David Sandstrom 3:29
Absolutely. Yeah, it's my contention that we are spirit, we have a mind. And we live in a body. Yeah, so all three parts of the human condition are interconnected, but they're also interdependent, which means what affects one part of our being will by necessity, alter the others for good or bad.

Kimberly Spencer 3:46
Exactly, exactly. And the ability to be able to discern what is it that really needs to be addressed? Like is is it an emotional thing, which I've found that as I've done more and more work in high performance coaching and as as I've been coaching leaders for the past four years, I found that IQ has always been prized, but EQ is something that we're still learning, we're still understanding and our own emotional intelligence, our own ability to process emotions, so many of us adults don't know how to healthily process emotions. We've been taught to either suppress or repress or escape from them. And that was what I was taught growing up. What I was taught, I grew up my parents, they I saw my dad as an addict, and he would escape from his emotions and he would escape from his feelings of shame and his guilt and and his past trauma. My mom was on the other hand, she would suppress and repress them. She didn't want to feel big feelings because they scared her because she actually feels really really deeply and I've seen that with a lot of people is that they have a An experience that, that breaks their heart or that opens them up, or that hurts them. And so they shut down, rather than continue to open up. And that ability to open up to the full width and breadth of the human emotional experience that we we can have is huge. Because scientifically measured a feeling lasts for 90 seconds, we just, more often than not, what I have seen is most often people when they feel a feeling initially, it scares them. Because they don't they haven't been taught how to process them or how to deal with them. So they either repress it and suppress it and stack on like anger that they're feeling that way or guilt that they have that feeling shame that they're that they ever could even think to have that feeling fear of continuing to feel that thing. And so they stack it on like a Jenga set. So what could have just been a 92nd full emotional experience to just allow yourself to release it. Think of feelings and emotions kind of like a wave. So the tide doesn't stay in. But if you dam it up, then then you're in for some, some catastrophe. If you're damming up the ocean,

David Sandstrom 6:21
I think that's a really good metaphor. Kimberly, one of the things I found in my practice, and I was talking with people about emotional issues is we all do this, we tend to get emotionally constipated, and we hang on to these things longer than we should be. Emotions are meant to be felt, we should experience it. In fact, I was listening to your interview with Mike Cameron on your Episode 111 redefining badass. And he said, so it was a great guy. And he said something that really caught my attention. He said that, instead of just getting down on ourselves about feeling that way, we should look at it as being more curious about it. and analyze that feeling and say, What is this feeling telling me right now? What can I learn from this. And I believe when we do that, we can process that emotion, get out of it, what we are supposed to be getting out of it, and then let it go. Yeah, that's the way emotions are made. And then we process them in a healthy way.

Kimberly Spencer 7:17
And I love I love the word curiosity. Because it's something that I feel that is constricted with these labels of morality. So the label of this is a bad feeling. And this is a good feeling like oh, feeling happy is good. So then that can lead you into some toxic positivity, where you're just constantly putting on a happy face when Meanwhile, you're silently suffering. Versus verse and but you're you're doing the quote, unquote, what you've been taught was a good emotion, versus a bad emotion. That's like anger. Like for me, I was taught that my rage, that my rage was bad, and that it was something that needed to be shamed. And I now looking back on it, I'm like, Well, what was my rage really about? My rage was really about as a child was really about hypocrisy. And rage is actually it's a very good side, it's a powerful emotion, that signals the passion, that signals that there's something that's either out of whack or something that you're incredibly passionate about, or something that directly conflicts with a value. So a rage or anger or sadness can give you really powerful signals as to certain meanings that certain things have in your life.

David Sandstrom 8:41
Absolutely. I want to just add to that, that anger is fine. But when it comes to rage, if your rage has reached the point where you're contemplating physical harm to another person, it's time to get some professional help. And I would also add that those emotions at the moment, they may not feel the greatest. But if we've processed them, well, they can help motivate us towards some really productive change.

Kimberly Spencer 9:04
They can they can, they can motivate us definitely away from things that we don't want. So the thing is, is that that's a good form of motivation for the short term. But the problem is, is that I see a lot of people get stuck in that form of motivation, which is moving away from something that they don't want, and there's only so long that you can drive forward toward a destination while looking in the rearview mirror.

David Sandstrom 9:31
Hmm. Interesting. speak more to that.

Kimberly Spencer 9:35
Well, that's where faith comes in. And eventually you can drive away, you can you can move away from something that you don't want. But ultimately, if you're still focusing on that thing that you don't want, that thing that you don't want is still driving you. So say for example, you have somebody who doesn't believe that they're enough, right? So that's a very common belief that we should that I run up against, and that we all have for some different degrees. So somebody doesn't believe that they're enough. And so they don't believe that they're enough. So they don't try. And then they fail at their job. And then they say, Well, you know, it's because I'm not enough. And then they go into drinking and they go into drugs and they go down that path. So that's that's one form of they just chose not to have it motivate them. Yes. Then there's the other form where they say, Well, I'm going to prove to you how much enough I am. And let me just maybe do all these things and achieve all these things and do all these things. So that maybe then I feel enough. Well, that's still being motivated by not being enough. Yeah, so it's still a driving. So there's only so far you can drive while looking in the rearview mirror. And some people become very, very successful, driving forward while looking in the rearview mirror, at fear and all the things that they don't want. But a more sustainable, long lasting strategy for staying motivated, is faith and vision, it's being able to turn your focus forward, just like you would on a road and drive forward towards your destination. Were able to just occasionally check the check the rearview mirror for you know, they see a siren, or you see something like, Oh, I want to keep an eye out. But you're not constantly looking in that rearview mirror expecting to move forward. You're driving forward toward a destination where you're looking out the front window as to where you're going.

David Sandstrom 11:32
You know, I think that's that's an excellent metaphor. I love that. Did you have something else to say on that? Because I've got a comment,

Kimberly Spencer 11:38
oh, please comment away.

David Sandstrom 11:39
Well, I'm also I'm a naturopathic doctor and a health coach. But I'm also a full time airline pilot, I've been flying jet airliners for the last 30 years. And a lot of people, the way that metaphor you use is instead of looking in the rearview mirror being pushed by the by those negative feelings, allow yourself to be pulled by looking in the right direction, through the through the windshield, and you'll you'll be far more productive. Well, as an airline pilot, I understand aerodynamics. And most people believe that the lift is created underneath the wing. And that's what keeps the plane in the air. But it's not the the wind underneath doesn't push the plane up. It's the wind going over the top of the wing that kind of like a vacuum sucks the plane into the air, it's far, far more effective than trying to pack enough air underneath the wing, if that makes sense. So if what you're describing is the light, the airplane gets lifted into the air, we can be lifted to a higher level of living, if we're following the right motivation.

Kimberly Spencer 12:36
Mm hmm. That makes sense, isn't it? Yeah, that totally makes sense. One of my clients just fulfill this childhood dream and bought a plane. So I've learned a lot about it. Yeah, that was a goal that he had joked about when we first started working together. And I said, well, Challenge accepted. So I learned a bit about aviation, and I think flight, it's definitely something that is on my list to learn. Because there are so many beautiful metaphors attached to flying and and just from the physics of it alone, of being able to take flight. And also, you know, being able to check your instruments and check your tools to make sure that you're staying on track and on course.

David Sandstrom 13:20
Well, I like to say we have an office with a view. We, we got a view that's pretty magnificent at times that most people don't get to see.

Kimberly Spencer 13:28
That's amazing. That's so amazing.

David Sandstrom 13:31
I got another question for you. Kimberly. I know you work a lot with moms. And there are people that I've heard this that well, you know, it's it's a little selfish to be spending all that time at the gym and spending all that time shopping and preparing food because you know, there's, there's people that need me my kids need me my husband needs me. What would you say to that person is feeling a little guilty about you know, taking a little me time?

Kimberly Spencer 13:54
Yeah, so first of all, let's examine the word selfish, I get really nerdy about certain words. And selfish is one of them. And the word selfish if you actually look at it in the, if you break it down self, that's of the self, and ish ish is just a suffix that means characteristics of the self. So it's not that it's a good or bad thing. Selfishness is not good or bad. It's it's just being yourself. So what, how can you be your best self. And then if we were to look at the word that is normally more praised, being self less, that is actually the suffix less means less than yourself. So you're not actually fully being all of your highest and best self when you are actually being self less. You can actually be your highest and best self when you are choosing to lean into being more selfish, but also of service like there and that's where I think that there is a paradox I don't think that that's it's a one or the other thing. I think that you can't that I know that if I go to the gym in the morning to give you just a personal example, I can wake up earlier. And while as much as I would love to go snuggle with my, my toddler who is so cute right now that as much as I would love to do that, and at the same time, I know that I know that I am much more mentally and physically present for him, if I go take that hour out of the gym, I become a much higher and better version of myself to be able to serve at a much higher and better level. So as much as I could be selfless and take that time and put him first and get all his needs met first. Instead, I choose to be selfish, because I know that if I'm striving for my highest and best self and a characteristic of myself as being of service, and then I am of much better service to my son and to my husband, by going to the gym by taking care of myself first so that the body and my physiology and my presence and my biochemistry is is thriving from those endorphins of 45 minutes on the elliptical, and then I can come back and be so much more present for for my, for my son and my husband.

David Sandstrom 16:20
Absolutely. Amen. That is that is such a good word, you know, I like to put it this way is we can only give out of our abundance. And if we want to give the best that we can, the best part of us is we have to be filled ourselves kind of like a reservoir is filled up by the river. And when the lake gets up to the top of the water will spill over and give its water but not be depleted itself because the stream is continuing to fill the reservoir. In the same way. When we fill ourselves up with health and wellness, we have more energy than the minimum required to get through the day. We're more patient were more kind were more giving and loving. We become better servants, when we've taken care of ourselves first

Kimberly Spencer 16:59
with the reservoir. I love that the what you said that you cannot give like truly give Yes, unless it's out of abundance. Because otherwise, if you're giving it's out of scarcity, which ultimately scarcity comes from fear, by operating from that, that scarcity or that fear, then eventually you're pouring so much out of you that there is nothing left. And for me I know that as a provider for my family, as a mom, as a as a wife, as a servant, in essence to my clients, I need to be giving from that space where I am filled and not it's to where that it's actually I I think of myself as I wouldn't be thinking of myself less. If I did it. I would be I would be acting self less I would be actually acting in less than, than myself. If I were not taking care of my body if I were not taking that extra time to honor myself or to care for myself or to care for my health.

David Sandstrom 18:03
Yeah, very good.

David Sandstrom 18:09
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David Sandstrom 20:33
Well, you know, that kind of leads me right into the other question I wanted to ask you about, which is that type of thinking is motivated by false beliefs. So how do we identify limiting beliefs? And then what do we do about them to correct them?

Kimberly Spencer 20:49
Well, every belief that we have a belief is just a thought that we thought on repeat, and at some point, we've adopted certain beliefs to survive. But there's two types of beliefs. There's one that is a belief of causality, meaning, it's an if then belief, so this belief will show up in circumstances like, if I get certified in this, then I will be able to charge more. Or if I get 10 clients, then I can, then I can do this thing. If I can, you know, if I eat this ice cream, then I'll gain five pounds in the morning. Like those are, those are all beliefs of causality. And then on the other hand, we have beliefs of meaning where we have certain meaning, or we attach a certain meaning to a thing that happens or a thing just period. So when you give that thing, meaning, for example, when you give the rage, the meaning that it's bad. And then what happens when you feel that emotion? What happens when well, suddenly, does that mean that I'm bad? Does that mean that I'm a bad person for feeling this emotion?

David Sandstrom 21:58
That's a slippery slope isn't it's

Kimberly Spencer 21:59
a slippery slope to slide down? Exactly. So really allowing yourself to question when, when did I choose to believe that, because ultimately, there was a moment where consciously or unconsciously, we chose to believe that thing. So if everything is a belief, if everything is everything you believe is a thought that you you think, on repeat, I like to think of beliefs like wardrobe. Like, we know with fashion, there are some beliefs that serve us, there are some forms of fashion that look really good on us. And then there are some forms of fashion that go out of style quite quickly. But it depends. So sometimes there's that you know, old sweater that we've been wearing for years that has holes in it that doesn't really, like it looks kind of frumpy, it's maybe a little tattered, but it's so comfortable to be in that old sweater, yet, you aren't going to wear that old sweater to the job interview, you're not going to wear that old sweater to the date, that we may be with that guy that's really, really handsome, that's quite a viable possibility for a long term relationship. And yet, that's what so many of us do with our beliefs will carry this belief into other circumstances, a belief that was formed maybe with one person, or maybe with one experience, we'll create a meaning around it, and then create a belief around it that will then take into other experiences to where we constantly then cause ourselves to recreate our paths, rather than creating a new future. Absolutely. So I always say start with start with questioning your beliefs. I mean, for example, I had one client and she was really struggling to lose 70 pounds, she'd gained 70 pounds in about a year. And it was she she was doing everything she was getting her hormones checked, she was eating all the right things, quote, unquote, and of like just the quinoa, and the spinach and the vegetables, and she was like, I can't do one more breast of grilled chicken. And it was and while I wasn't coaching her on health, I was coaching her on her mindset. And I said, you know, let me just ask you, why don't you want to lose the weight? And she's like, What are you talking about? If spent all this money, I want to lose the weight? And I said, Yeah, but if you really did, it could be gone by now. Like you've been working at this for six to eight months, like some progress could have should have been made, technically, and maybe with somebody else could have been made. But so I asked her I said why don't you want to this? This? Like if you were really if we were really dive int it, just play with this question if we were to remove the ego out of it. She said, she sat with it just so well. I really like wearing stretchy pants. And I said, I mean pay. I was a Pilates instructor for 10 years like, I lived in Lulu lemon. So I love. I love my stretchy pants as well. But that doesn't make me hold on to 72 extra pounds. So what is it like you can wear stretchy pants? You know, at a healthy weight, you can wear stretchy

David Sandstrom 25:23
lenses overweighting I thought oh, yeah,

Kimberly Spencer 25:26
what, what else is it? And when we really got down to it, what it was was that she was scared of men being attracted to her.

David Sandstrom 25:36
Okay, now we're getting somewhere.

Kimberly Spencer 25:37
Yeah, I said, is that ultimately true that men wouldn't be attracted to you? She was a very gorgeous girl, like beautiful woman, even with you know, 70 pounds, she was gorgeous. And she's like, no, I still get hit on. And it's like, so it's not ultimately true. But the weight is like, would you say that the weight is protecting you from actually having another relationship? Or how is the weight serving you. And when we got down to it, she realized that it was really like holding on to that extra weight was actually her form of not getting into another emotionally abusive relationship that she had been in the past. So she was bringing in that past into her future. And once she addressed that, she actually started to get real results. And she actually started to have change that happened. But she had to look into the belly of the beast at the root of what it was that was preventing her from getting the results that that she wanted

David Sandstrom 26:37
Gotta have a little a little look under the under the old hood.

Kimberly Spencer 26:40
Yeah, you got to have a look under the old hood. And you got to be willing to check your ego. Because asking a question like that. And I ask this question of my my business clients as well, when I asked them like, so why aren't you making more money? They're like, Hey, Hey, hold up. I see if we check the ego. Like, what is it? Why aren't you making more money? Like, let's come up with the reasons? Because why is a great question. And to get to all the reasons to get to all the excuses and to get to all the limiting beliefs. It's not really a great question to move you forward into a different strategy. But if you want to assess and like find and discover what a limiting belief is, and you're able to look outside yourself, instead of being like, Well, it's because I'm a failure, it's you know, and having one of those, then it's Oh, then you that's that's that could be the root of the problem is that you believe that you're a failure. And therein lies a limiting belief. And I had one of one of my clients who had been very successful, but he constantly saw himself as a failure. And I said, well, let's look at this. So in your bio, like, that doesn't sound like a failure at all. Like, you sound like a frickin entrepreneurial Rockstar. So, you're seeing I said, The problem is, as you're seeing the lower half of the graph, you're seeing all the dips, all the challenges, and because you experienced them, versus the rest of the world is seeing all the ups and all the highs and all the championships and all the big successes, as I said, the problem is neither you or the rest of the world is looking at the entirety of the graph. And he was like what? And I said, because there is a through line of that graph, that is one line, right on the fold between the successes and the failures, and that is your grit, and that is your resilience. So it's not that you're a failure, because you've had success, you can't say that you're a failure, because you've had had success. Like if you've had any form of success, no matter what it is, if you were able to successfully wake up today, that's a success. Like, it depends on how you define what success is.

David Sandstrom 28:49
It sounds like the gal that wanted to lose weight, she probably developed that belief in maybe young adulthood. But it sounds like this guy that you're referring to this business guy. And I'm assuming this is some clients in your high performance consulting, practice your private one on one stuff. So it sounds like this guy is like a lot of people. And that is those beliefs about those labels about who I am and how I fit into the world are defined in childhood. Oh, yeah, you know, this might have that belief could have come come from kindergarten when he was age five, or six or seven. And now he's taking this false belief about who he is into adulthood, and his past is interfering with his present.

Kimberly Spencer 29:27
And the great part is, is that it motivated him to achieve a lot of successes. And that's like it circles back to what I was saying about driving forward looking in the rearview mirror, is that it is a great short term strategy for success. Like fear can be a fantastic motivator to get your booty into gear and go for it. But it's not a long term strategy for high performance and continued success.

David Sandstrom 29:51
Yes, absolutely. So when you're doing a consulting is one on one. We talked about limiting beliefs. What other common problems do you see people that are limiting their breakthroughs or keeping them from becoming all the men and women that they're, they're created to be?

Kimberly Spencer 30:08
The identity is a big one. So the beliefs of meaning that you strap on to an identity, I am a failure. I mean, if I was living by the old definition of who I was back, you know, when I was 15 years old and bulimic, I am believing like, I stopped calling myself bulimic simply because I recognize that the identity, my soul, my spirit was not believing it and my actions were separating the actions that you're doing from your identity is, first and foremost, the results that you get, because so often we will easily tie our results to our identity. So success is a big one, especially for men that I've worked with, where they've had unsuccessful results, and thus, they define themselves as not a success. Yeah, and I'm like, that doesn't necessarily ring true, what what may need to change is your own personal meaning that you've attributed to what is success,

David Sandstrom 31:09
I may have failed at XYZ. But that doesn't make me a failure.

Kimberly Spencer 31:13
Exactly. And it's really assessing the language around how you're communicating about your identity. And so they're checking, especially the the, the beliefs of identity, the beliefs of, of how you define yourself to be one of my favorite. My favorite verses of the Bible, is when God announces himself to, to Moses, and he's like I am that I am, and I am, are the most powerful words we can ever utter about ourselves like that those are the most powerful words. And if we are spirit, and we are in our body has a soul, then that spirit is not a failure, then that spirit is connected to God. Absolutely. So by defining ourselves as a failure by defining ourselves as flawed or broken, like that was my big my big identity shift was I used to believe I was broken. And I just thought I was broken. And I thought I was damaged. And I thought I was a victim of all of the circumstances that I grew up with. And because I thought those things, I recreated situations of victimization in my in my early adulthood. And because I thought those beliefs, I put myself in dangerous situations that allowed me to break myself a little bit more. And then it was through teaching and through learning and through observing, and through my own curiosity, which is why I love the word curiosity. Because I do believe that that curious curiosity is kind of it says little intuitive, spiritual nudges to like, go for this. Look at this, assess this. And those little nudges, I've, I've always had a deep connection with just following those. Like, I don't know what it is, like that was it that's always been very similar. So I would follow that curiosity. And I came to realize that it wasn't that I was broken. It was at the belief that I was broken was 100% plagiarized. And so we all have these types of plagiarized programming in us where we've adopted somebody else's belief of themselves as our own and claimed it. But it's not. That's that's a false belief. Because it's not in alignment with with what is ultimately true, which is love.

David Sandstrom 33:38
That's a great word I, you know, I believe I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, and I believe we're made in God's image. And yeah, we all have that longing inside to be a part of something greater than ourselves. And it does help when you're talking about your sense of identity. I have another question for you. I want to I want to go back and revisit the gal who was trying to lose the weight. Yeah, basically, what basically what you told her was, Look, you've got to decide, doesn't look to me, like you've really decided to lose the weight yet, because if you had said, months time, we'd see some progress. So I want to tie that in with something I heard you talk about on a recent podcast was you had made the decision to have the birth of your baby at home with a midwife as opposed to the hospital. That was pretty major decision. So talk to me about the talk to talk to the double hm community, the audience about what that decision making process was like for you.

Kimberly Spencer 34:29
Yeah. So I had my son at a birthing center so I didn't have him at home. My next one, that's my one that's on the way. She'll be at home and I had for me, everybody has their own unique way of making a decision. Sometimes it's you hear something or you see something or you need to research something. For me, I had thought seen i'd followed my curiosity. To looking at looking at, you know, the traditional way of the current society has given birth, like we've been giving birth at home for many, many years before.

David Sandstrom 35:12
Many centuries.

Kimberly Spencer 35:14
But the current way, and I looked at the current model, and I saw exactly what I didn't want. And so I went in and I got, I went to the great Hospital in Los Angeles, where I thought, Okay, this is gonna be a great hospital, a great ob gyn. And I, one of the things that she said to me, just turned me off so powerfully, she's like, oh, if you're thinking of getting pregnant, you know, you have to stop eating sushi now and stop drinking wine. I was like all that I know. And I said, but what about coffee? And she said, Well, actually, according to the American pediatric Association, you can have 250 milligrams of caffeine a day. Little did I know that when I'm in my first trimester, like, there is no craving coffee whatsoever. It's one of the few smells that I can't even stand by. But, but she said, so yeah. And so she followed it up with so you could have two diet cokes a day. And I immediately I said, Oh, you wait, what? I like that is a that is a chemical that is nothing nutritious whatsoever in in it. And I would put that into my body, but but a sip of red wine would destroy my child, like, yeah, like, I'm like, that's what will hold up. Like, it just didn't make sense. So I saw that. And I think what's great is, when you realize what you don't want, so long as you don't focus on what you don't want, it's a really great guidepost to what it is that you want. So immediately, I saw what I didn't want. And I also didn't like the fact that if I, you know, work with this doctor for which is like many hospitals work with this doctor for nine months, and then suddenly, like, the big game time comes, then she might not be my doctor, and I might get some dude, that did not make me feel comfortable whatsoever. Like that, like not not that I have a problem with dudes. But just having some of the experiences that I had in my past, I wanted to be surrounded by females, especially we're in a very, very vulnerable position,

David Sandstrom 37:08
I totally get it.

Kimberly Spencer 37:10
And so I said, Okay, that's what I don't want. So what was great was, I just believe that God opens so many doors like, and I was blessed with a client, Pilates client, who was formerly a midwife. And she just would share with me different things and different bits of information. And the beautiful thing that I liked about the midwives is that there's no pressure to choose one way or the other. There's it. Yeah, unlike what I found with traditional medical doctors, where I'd felt pressured, that I had to do something that way, or else I was wrong, or else I was making a bad choice, or else I was being foolish. With midwives, I felt like I had options. And that's just something that for me and my own decision making process, that was something that I liked to have, I like to have a couple options, I like I like to make my own choices and have ownership of the choice that I make.

David Sandstrom 38:14
Well, if you're right there that that sounds a little bit like you've kind of hit the nail on the head on what your why was, you want to have more control, you wanted to have more say in the process, as opposed to surrendering to the hospital policy in the doctor's orders. So that was your why, you know, in in my book, the Christians guide to holistic health, I have a chapter in there on mindset. And I quote Michael Hyatt, the the blogger and yeah, so he's great. And one of the things he's fond of saying is you lose your way, when you lose your why. So you've got to get in touch with your why if you want to accomplish a goal, you want to accomplish something great, you've got to have a reason why you want to do that. And it sounds like that was your why it sounds like you want it to have be in not in control. But have more say in the matter.

Kimberly Spencer 39:02
Ownership, like ownership is a is a primary value of of mine considering and that's just a testament to how you can change, like radically change your identity because I used to have an identity of absolute opposite of ownership where I was a victim and, and I operated from that very victim mindset where everything happened to me and I blamed everyone for and every other thing, things that happened in my life versus when when it's so common, so and it's and you know, it's, it's not that it's bad. It's just that it's it will not serve to really move you forward. So you can have your excuses or you can have momentum. It's really just up to you. And so for me, I started to just see life as instead of everything happening to me is everything happening for me. And so even with that situation with that ob gyn, I was just like, Okay, this happened for me for a reason to see exactly what I don't want So let me seek out some other alternatives.

David Sandstrom 40:03
Well, I think knowing what you don't want can be a very powerful motivator. But it's a little bit like that rearview mirror thing. Yeah, it's not the ideal motivator.

Kimberly Spencer 40:10
Well, you can't drive looking forward at it. So so many people, so many people look are looking back at all the things they don't want. They don't want to be like their parents, they don't want to be, they don't want to be angry. They don't want to be a failure. They don't. And so they're looking, they're driving forward looking in that rearview mirror versus if you see things that you don't want. It's like, it's like driving forward. But it's like those little checks behind you. I'm just like, Oh, is that car a little too close? Oh, yep. Okay, cool. Let me just move out of the way. So and then you get back to the vision. So you constantly are going back to forward facing vision, two forward facing vision, toward faith in what you would love to create in your life and be able to have that. And that is what that is what really moving forward, that I see in in faith is like, it's like you had those little check ins of like, let me just check the rearview mirror, but it's not constantly like, because you do want to check your mirrors while you're on the freeway. It's been a minute since I've driven a car, but well being over here in Australia, but I can remember driving in the freeway in Los Angeles. And so that that experience really taught me that I did value personal ownership. And that I wanted to own my experience. And the more I researched the the benefits of unnatural vaginal birth, and that made me very, very gun shy of going to a hospital that has a very high C section rate for these emergency c sections that I just like question, it just made me skeptical.

David Sandstrom 41:47
We could do a whole podcast on that. But then, you know, a lot of that is defensive medicine, it's a way for the doctor to go protect himself against a lawsuit and all that. Yeah, but we all know, God's design is best. And the healthiest way to have a baby for mom and baby is the traditional natural way.

Kimberly Spencer 42:03
Yeah. And so I knew and there was something in my gut that just knew that that's that's what I wanted. And so while you know, and as soon as I made that decision, and here's the thing about making big decisions, and when you make them with 100% certainty, this is why I say that when you can find where certainty and trust live in your body, because your body is run by your subconscious mind. We have this beautiful subconscious mind that is beating our heart, breathing our lungs, circulating our blood, and doing all these things that we're not even thinking about right now. So because our subconscious minds are so beautiful and so powerful, and they're operating 95 to 97% of our programming, like that's, that's why I get to town on the subconscious, subconscious mind and our beliefs. Because that really is is, is huge. And so when you can find where certainty and trust live in your body, where you actually feel certainty and trust, some people feel it in their hearts, and some people feel it in their gut or in their solar plexus or in their womb. But when you find where it feels for you, and you make a decision from there, it changes the game for how you are making decisions. So instead of like, I know that if I'm making a decision from my solar plexus, then that's a decision that's very much in alignment with my highest and best self. With with, with growth with with God with that that's like something that I feel is is like me leaning into my curiosity, me leaning into something that may or may feel unknown, because our brains can't tell the difference between fear and excitement, like fear and excitement register, both in the hypothalamus in the brain. So it's like, our brains cannot tell the difference, but our bodies do or our bodies can. And so when you can find that certainty and trust and make those decisions from that space, it changes the game versus I know that if I'm making decisions from like, if I'm feeling anxious, if I'm feeling like I'm making a decision for my lungs, and I'm having trouble breathing, and I'm struggling with in my throat and in my shoulders, and in my upper respiratory area, that is a decision that I'm making from fear. So knowing where fear and certainty both loving your body.

David Sandstrom 44:13
Well, that gets back to what I was talking about earlier about those are three parts of a human being that can't be separated. I just want to go through there's another part to that, which is the hierarchy. Let me briefly go through this real quick and we'll kind of have to wrap things up. But our spirit is the highest most noble part of our being and it's designed to be connected to and then submission to God. And when we do that our spirit will send healthy instructions to our minds in our minds will be submitted to God and our minds will send healthy instructions to our brains and our brains run our bodies. So that's that gets into what you were just talking about, you know a minute ago about how your your unhealthy thoughts can produce unhealthy outcomes in your body and good thoughts will produce better outcomes in your body. It's all interconnected. We can't separate The three

Kimberly Spencer 45:01
and I love that you called it the hierarchy of the brain taking direction from spirit, or sometimes it gets a little rebellious and our egos get

David Sandstrom 45:11
out of balance there. Yeah.

Kimberly Spencer 45:12
And and and want to rebel against those higher things because the ego will want to say, you know, this is like this is crazy, why would you do this? And I get those like, that's exactly what happens every time I make a very solid strong decision is typically there are people around me that will highlight the reflection of my ego because perception is projection that will highlight the reflection on my egos with suddenly being very, very vocal and very, very loud about how that's the most foolish decision how I'm crazy how it's reckless how I da, da. da, and all the things and I'm like, oh, cool, thank you. Thank you for that, that unsolicited advice, because especially from who it's coming from, I look at their life and their results and how they live. And I asked myself, is that how I would like to be in the world? And typically, it is not.

David Sandstrom 46:09
Kimberly, that's a great word. And I really appreciate you sharing your wisdom and dropping all those value bombs on us. before we let you go. And I have one more question for you. What's the best way to get ahold of you?

Kimberly Spencer 46:19
The best way is just to go to my website at Crownyourself.com. And if you love this episode, and you'd like to go to town on your subconscious mind, I'd love to have a high performance acceleration console with you.

David Sandstrom 46:31
Excellent. Yeah, been your website. It's a really good website, it flows very well. It's a great site. So last question I have for you is you're an author. And your most recent book is called mindful meals, how to dethrone fears, and rein in a body that rules. I love the title. So who did you write that book for? And what are the highlights?

Kimberly Spencer 46:51
I wrote that book for myself. But that book, really like I ended up writing it for a girl named Michaela. And I was struggling with getting the book out. And it's still it's to be released. But I was struggling with the writing process. And I was on the phone with my coach. And this is how God just puts the most amazing people in your path when you're open to it and aware and share vulnerably and openly. And I was sharing of how I was having struggles with finishing this. And she said, Kim, I'm going to tell you something that I don't normally tell most clients and I said what is that? And she said last week, literally last week before we got on a coaching call, I said my daughter just came out to me saying that she was struggling with an eating disorder. And she goes, I've coached people who've gone through eating disorders She goes, but there is something different when it's your child. And especially as a mom, I know from my own experience is that when something is, quote unquote, wrong or challenging, or something's going up with your kid, there is a feeling of what did I do wrong? How did I mess this up? Like how did like there is the guilt and shame that go along with it and you can't vote you can't coach from that place. And she said but you She said I can't help her from that space. Like from the space of a coach where I would normally help other people just said because I'm too tired, I'm too involved in it shows me You can choose because I don't know what it's like also to not love your body. She's like, that's just not how I grew up. I just like I don't know what it's like, like to have these thoughts and these feelings, but you do choose, I need you to write this book for my daughter. And so that is why the book is coming out. And I am very excited for it. I think we we actually may be changing the title. And that's that's something that I just recently decided because it a lot of people were asking me, is it a recipe book is it like to eat this not that sort of thing. And I'm like that's the last thing that nobody needs another one of those books.

David Sandstrom 49:02
I didn't take it that way at all.

Kimberly Spencer 49:04
We're good. The title is going to be change to rule your body, rule your body, how to dethrone food, fears and rein in the body that rules.

David Sandstrom 49:11
So, when what do you think is going to be coming out?

Kimberly Spencer 49:14
So that will be coming out in June? That will be june of 2021. Yeah, our release date got pushed, but I am very, very excited that it is finally going to be seeing the light of day and that it will be serving because I do think especially with this pandemic, the tools even if you haven't had a lot of body stuff that the tools for shifting beliefs and for cleansing the palace and for honoring the holistic being that is this beautiful vessel that we have been gifted this temple this palace.

David Sandstrom 49:44
The body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

Kimberly Spencer 49:46
We need to honor that and keep that keep the policies clean for the spirit to really thrive.

David Sandstrom 49:55
Absolutely. Well thank you so much Kimberly, I really appreciate you sharing Your thoughts with us today.

Kimberly Spencer 50:01
Thank you so much for having me, David. It has been pleasure.

David Sandstrom 50:05
All right. I hope you enjoyed that interview with Kimberly Spencer. She's a wealth of information. She understands a lot about holistic health, and she's just got a great energy. I really enjoyed that conversation. Her website once again is crown yourself.com. And heard podcast if you want to check that out is called The Princess and the bee. This episode was brought to you by sauna space. If you're ready to take your health to the next level by implementing sauna therapy into your health building regimen, go to my resources page at Davidsandstrom.com forward slash resources and click on the sauna space Lobo ratings and reviews help the show get noticed by more people. So I would appreciate it if you'd head on over to Apple podcasts and leave a rating and review there. If you have any trouble finding that you can always go to my website and go to the podcasting page. I've got a link there that'll take you to the Apple podcast preview page and that's where you can leave a review. Thank you again for listening. I appreciate you giving me some of your valuable time this week. I enjoyed serving you and I'll talk with you next week. Be blessed

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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About the author 

David Sandstrom

I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a Naturopathic Doctor, and a Biblical Health Coach. I am also an Airline Captain for a major airline based out of Atlanta, Ga. I've been helping people maximize their health potential by nurturing their body, mind, and spirit since 2005.

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